just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
