Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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