TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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