Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
