Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I need moral support for this bender
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
