Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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