All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
