There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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