The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
