I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
