I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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