I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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