Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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