I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
