Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
