this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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