Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
