Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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