four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
