I love black thongs
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
