I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
