Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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