Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
