In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
