i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
soo... how was my night?
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