More tranny stories later!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
