he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
