Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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