Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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