If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
