Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
