margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
