It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
