went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I die, sorry about rent.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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