It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
