And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
