So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
