that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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