At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
