the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
