Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the day after is always just damage control
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
