I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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