walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize