I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
