She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
