OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
