yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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