u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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