Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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