Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
