Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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