Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
