just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
two words...techno handjob
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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